Lesson 27: Ears to you Maxi Poo

Max had a long weekend of family, parties and late nights. He is asleep. :)

For some reason now Max's right ear flops over forward like it just does not have the strength to hold up anymore.

Lesson 26: Lessons on sewing, needles, puppies and sugar

This weekend my sewing machine came in the mail :) Tyler helped me get some supplies from the store and I sewed a messenger bag. I would not say that I am an excellent sewer but I can definitely thread my machine...

One of the many things I learned from my Brother Sewing Machine owners manual is that there are about 50 different ways that you can break the needle. Using the wrong brand of bobbin will break it and threading either the top or bottom thread incorrectly can break it. Also using the incorrect presser foot or throat plate will do the trick. Don't even think about using the wrong needle for your machine. What's that you say? You are you using too though of material for you needle? Well, ya broke it! Yeesh! This, of course, had me on edge all evening while sewing to not do ANYTHING contrary to what the book told me to do. At one point Tyler offered to help. After suggesting a short cut to my step-by-step process, I informed Tyler is it imperative that I do it the slow way re-reading steps two or three times. And at this Tyler said alright... never mind and went back to his movie hahaha.

Maxi Poo is cone free! We celebrated with three baths, fetch, and Tyler and I are now back to sleeping in our bed! It is glorious! And tonight is graduation day for Max! He will have to show off his play dead skills that we have been working with him on.

Last night Max went crazy at our friend's birthday party. One of the children dropped their roasted marshmallow on the ground to Max's delight. It was a gooey mess that I only increased by trying to pull it from his mouth. Another dropped marshmallow later and I decided to keep a closer eye on our little terror. Yet 15 minutes later I looked over to see Max lunge for a piece of cake a child had left on their chair. Leaping into action I took off running after Max. This dog does not get table scraps EVER at home. He must have felt like he won some sort of golden ticket. He took off at a sprint while simultaneously snarffing the piece of cake that could not have been much smaller than his head. In the end he had won his prize leaving only small chunks of chocolate in his wake. From then on out he was a hyped up sugar rush mess. He was growling, leaping, rolling around, it was like one of those crazy weasels at the end of a rope. He has just been exhausted today. The ironic thing is that only the day before I had discussed with Tyler how we need to be better about keeping Max under control when we visit friends and family... fail.

Lesson 25: Love is...

This post is more for the ladies who can relate. While attempting to avoid any crassness in my story, I will start by saying I woke up this morning at about 4:45 feeling absolutely terrible. The discomfort and agony that can only come from... cramps... I tossed and turned not being able to find a position to lessen the pain. A snugly Max gave me the idea to snuggle up to still snoozing Tyler. He was lying on his back and his shoulder made for the PERFECT resting spot for my head! OH YEAH! Just the right position to relieve the endless yuck feeling. Of course all good things must come to an end and Tyler made an attempt to roll over onto his side.

NOOOOOOO. You can't roll over, I told him.

My back hurts, he replied.

I explained, in the most pathetic voice I could muster, (which was not very difficult at this point) that I had been up for over an hour in pain and this was the only position that provided any relief.

And just like that, zero objections, he rolled right onto his back and let me be for the rest of the morning.

THAT is love :)

Lesson 24: Grumbly Grumbly Gru -The Grumble (The Simpsons)

On your mark, get set, false start!... ok, on your mark, get set, false start! Grrrr.... Starting over time and again can get SO FRUSTRATING! Especially when it is something nobody wants to hear about... my weight, ahhhhhhhh! I just felt the universal eye roll of my family and friends who get to hear the woes and worries of my constant obsession with losing weight. It is just not healthy, but then neither are my eating habits. I am the person who will sit down to a delicious meal of garbage while simultaneously writing out a weight loss plan of action. Is this going to be one of those lifetime thorn in the flesh type of situations? So far it has been....

On to higher points: Tyler's Cub Scout meeting went great! He did a wonderful job and the boys looked like they were having tremendous fun! I like that age for little boys. They are still young enough to just have fun, be silly, and enjoy an activity. A leader even told Tyler it was an "epic" Cub meeting. Very nice!

Maxi Poo gets his stitches out tomorrow and I'm sure he is looking forward to it. Actually he has no idea because dogs don't really have a concept of today and tomorrow, but his constant itching and licking tell me he is ready to be done with this phase of his life. Today he was playing with the infamous hedgehog. A while back Max had ripped a hedgehog arm off so I sewed up the hole where the arm had been. Today Max finally broke the stitch barrier and cotton puffs were everywhere. Hedgehog had an honorable dog toy discharge into the trash. I could tell Max was upset so I let him pick a new toy from our big bag of unopened dog toys and it was "hedgehog who?"

AND Tyler let me get a sewing machine! This was brought about from my having to sew Tyler's scout badges onto his new leader shirt (thanks for your help mom!!!). It should be coming in the mail and I am really excited! Project Runway here I come! I hope Michael Kors likes canvas bags and pajama bottoms. ;)

Lesson 23: Pics Post

Not letting Tyler leave for work until he takes a pic with Max and Me :)

It was the puppy, with the cone in, in the living room! This is what happens when I get up to turn off Tyler's alarm that apparently only I can hear.

Notice the shiny white fangs

I would not want to be that chicken

"These stitches and cone make me soooooooo itchy!" -Max

"Stop flashing that camera while I am trying to sleep" -Conehead

Cuddling... Max is so comfortable can't you tell?

Lesson 22: “Accept the challenges so that you may feel the exhilaration of victory.” -General George S. Patton

The challenges are on. A few months back for an anniversary present I bought Tyler an ice cream maker. It is great! In the past I always thought homemade ice cream was nasty. It was salty with ice chunks and you had to twist a crank until the working arm was excessively more muscularized than the resting arm. Our ice cream maker is amazing and super fun. No cranks necessary. Recently though I have been trying different ways to make the ice cream. Attempt number one was a big failure which never seemed to be anything more than delicious delicious sugar milk... mmmm. Tyler said it was the equivalent to the leftover milk in a cereal bowl. I believe the reason for this was the new recipe. Today my attempt will be to use the original recipe but combine the milk and sugar and then boil to dissolve the sugar. After this I added the rest of the ingredients and set the bowl in the fridge to chill. I will let you know what happens. Tyler informed his Uncle Dick of my ventures and I have now been challenged to an ice cream making competition when we go to visit. He is said to make great ice cream... I had better step up my game.

Max had a challenge issued to him this week as well. Next Monday will be his final day in beginning home obedience. Graduation Day! The instructor told the class we are to come prepared with a dog trick to show everyone. Immediately Tyler proclaimed we will teach Max to PLAY DEAD! Darn it all, I was hoping to teach him to sit up on his rump all cute like. Since Google knows all, I looked up ways to teach play dead. The common denominator for all the training videos and step-by-step instructions was "bang". First the dog must sit and then lie down. With the treat in your hand, or gun, point at the dog and say "Bang".

After he does nothing (which is to be expected since he is probably thinking you are a lunatic and should just give him the treat already) you kind of do this wrap around thing with your hand where the dog will follow the treat with his head causing him to tumble over onto his back. Your dog is now dead and earned himself a treat. Max and I worked on this for about 10min on my lunch break today. We have some work to do. After a while of being shot Max lost interest in trying to please me and made every effort to just grab the treat from my loaded gun.

Tyler's challenge this week (other than the obvious one of dealing with being kicked off the futon every night by Max) is to put on his first Cub Scout meeting thing. This will be complete with kids crossing over from a lower scout level to higher, merit badges and activities. I don't know much about scouting. Cub Master Tyler has been studying up on all the different ceremonies and things that go along with tonight's meeting. It is ridiculously complex... Since my poor husband does not even own a scout shirt other than his from age 16, I am not sure if the rituals will allow him to be the presenter person... hmmm.... Also he wanted to make a fun sign for the lesson to get the boys interested. Unfortunately we are neither parents nor primary teachers, meaning there are no arts and craft supplies to be found among us.

The challenges have been set forth and there is much to be accomplished, ice cream, play dead, and Master the Cubs.... I think I like my challenge the best. ;)

Lesson 21: So sweet it will make your teeth hurt

Lesson 20: Self Instated Intervention

Let's take a break from Cone head updates. He will have the cone on for at least another week. I will note that Max came in to work with me and is currently sleeping on his mat next to my computer monitor.

Yesterday I came to the conclusion that I eat way too many sweets. The realization dawned on me when I had chocolate cake, ice cream and Lucky Charms for breakfast.

I have a problem.

I have declared a sweets free week. This was something created by my friends Carolyn, Sarah and myself back at BYU. As the name states there shall be no sweets consumed starting at whatever time (in my case noon Tuesday) until one week later, so next Tuesday at noon. It is now 8:30AM Wed... so far so good. ;)

I printed little reminder signs to hang all over the kitchen and informed Tyler of my plans. Most of the time I think he is convinced I am crazy, but he goes with it. No, he will not be taking part in my journey. It is just important to make sure other people know so that I can be held accountable.

Accountability is essential. Our kitchen contains such goodies as chocolate cake, homemade strawberry ice cream, nutrigrain bars, chocolate chips, marshmallows, cookie crisp cereal, and the occasional batch of cookies.

Wish me luck...

Lesson 19: And so continues the saga of the cone...

Max was not having a very good day yesterday. Here is he cuddled up under the futon. He took a trip to the vet to have his bandages removed. All but one were taken off. The suture on his back paw seemed to have popped so he has a small black bandage on it. Of course with the paw stitches now exposed it means that Max has to go back into the cone of shame. He has began to so fully detest the cone that the moment we put it on him he will lie down and not move until we take it off. So, for the afternoon that is what he did.

Later that evening Tyler came home with some groceries for a surprise dinner :)

Here he is making us delicious breakfast burritos for dinner.

We decided to give Maximus a break and let him have some time out of the cone.

He did alright for a while.

Until he tried to sneak away...

Here he is hiding under a pillow trying to lick his stitches... really Max? I walked over and lifted the pillow. At this Max jumped up in alarm knowing he had been caught...

So it was back in the cone for Maxi Poo

Lesson 18: Watch what you say...

For this post I, Whitney Frances Opfar would just like to say that I love my husband Tyler, my dog Max, and our lives. Max is doing alright. He is sleeping like a rock in the familiar family futon fashion. Tyler is as amazing and non-controversial as ever. And I am learning lessons everyday on improving my wifehood. While trying to avoid obnoxious vague statements but trying to apply what I have learned today I will just say that sometimes life is not black and white. Married life especially. In fact, most of life is spent in that crazy grey area where anything can happen. You will notice there are lesson numbers missing. If you are one of my avid followers (of which there are two) congratulations. You have been privy to now deleted material. Tyler is the most patient, loving, kind and wonderful person on the planet and if people interpret an entry in my blog to convey anything less than that then it does not belong in cyberspace.

So now let's continue on.... Oh and tonight is Max's first night cone-less. Hopefully this will keep him from forcing Tyler to the floor...

Lesson 17: Let Sleeping Pups Lie

Relaxing with Maximus at home today. A healing puppy certainly needs plenty of sleep. Tyler and I have had to adapt our sleeping arrangements at night to accommodate Cone-an the Barbarian. We pull the futon onto the floor and use a Willie Wonka-esk full family in the bed style. This works well until Max has to go potty in the middle of the night. His usual method of sniffing our faces has gone south. Each sniff of a face includes a full facial encapsulation by the cone. Imagine waking up to someone covering your face with a plastic bowl. Only this bowl has a furry snuffy pup inside it.

Lesson 16: A puppy in a cone is the most pathetic thing you will ever witness

1. neutered

2. hernia removed

3. dew claws removed

4. microchipped

5. remaining baby teeth pulled (luckily he was in the clear for this)

Tyler stopped by my work today with Maximus the survivor. He will need to keep his cone on for 14 days and have his bandages, which can't get wet, changed in a week. There will be no running, jumping, excessive walking, scratching of itches or biting of dressing permitted.

Lesson 15: Laundry Day is Better With a Friend

Tyler dropped Max and me off at the laundromat last night to clean the comforter (see Lesson 14 for the reason why). Having an enormous comforter costs a lot to clean! Especially when I waste four quarters on a broken dryer. While Max and I rekindled my dislike of the laundromat, Tyler made a run over to Home Depot to buy some chicken wiring for our balcony. Max will sit next to the sliding glass door staring out with longing in his eyes. Unfortunately there is a large gap at the bottom of the fencing around the balcony so Max is not currently allowed out on it. Tyler is going to fix that this weekend.

Today is Max's big day to get worked over at the vet. It was a sad day for Tyler leaving him there this morning. I will go in tomorrow morning to pick him up. My poor little Batsey!

Lesson 14: Tyler will make a great dad... or it will kill him off

What a night for poor Tyler. After a successful obedience class Max decided to cancel it all out. It all started with my doing a work out video. Max would grab his squeaky hedgehog, shove it into my leg and SQUEAK SQUEAK SQUEAK! Even after a few leg bops to his nose while I attempted to get my groove on with my hip hop aerobics video he was relentless. I would throw the toy down the hall and he would bring it back. I took the toy away and then he would just jump up and attack me. Tyler noticed my plight from the spare room and corralled Max in the room with him while doing math homework. Several minutes of squealing pig puppy and Max was free again. Back for more hedgehog torment.

My video ended and I joined Tyler by sitting on the floor while he did his homework. We are working to get Max to stop biting by spraying him with bitter apple when he bites. So after I sat on the floor and got a nice hard chomp from Max I reached for the spray. Max knew what he had done and made a run for it. Our obedience instructor that night had just told us to not let them do this because it is like getting away with bad behavior, so I followed him into the dining room. Max was huddled between the chairs hiding like the chiWEENIE that he is. I must have scared him pretty good because while I waved my hands under the table to get him out he PEED! ARGH! TYLER HELP!

Tyler came and put Max in his crate while we cleaned the pee. After this drama, Tyler took a moment to work with Max on not biting and using the bitter apple spray. I kept my distance because I felt bad for Max, but I knew he needed to be taught not to be a bad dog.

Exhausted, Max and I went to bed. Tyler went back to his homework. An hour later I was woken up by Tyler pulling the comforter off me. Max had peed on Tyler's side of the bed (revenge pee?). A new blanket was draped over me and I was out again. 2AM rolled around and I awoke again to the sound of Tyler throwing on his shorts and jacket to take Max outside to pee. His worn out body crashed back into bed after the walk only to jerk awake a short while later to the sound of Max chewing apart my old comforter that Tyler had placed on the bed. It was now my turn to deal with pooch.... I threw him on the floor and fell back asleep.

"Did you just put him on the floor?" Tyler sleepily asked

"Yes," I answered and rolled over.

To this response Tyler stumbled out of bed yet again to pour some food for Max, set up the baby gate, and shut all doors creating a smaller area for Max to demolish. Then it was back to bed...

We made it through the rest of the night. Although, I am not sure there was much left of the night to get through. Oh, I forgot to mention that in just about 30 minute increments Max would decide to bark at absolutely nothing... or he was warning us about the murderer in the closet. Either way it was annoying. My alarm woke me up around 6AM and I took Max out for his morning walk.

Last night brought me to the conclusion.... Max is getting fixed!!! We have been holding off until the end of August but I have a long weekend off work and this is getting done. I called up the vet and they can fit him in tomorrow morning. The clouds parted and the angels sang! So tomorrow morning Max is getting "the works". He will be getting fixed, dew claws removed, hernia removed, micro chipped, and any leftover baby teeth pulled.

As a follow-up to how tired Tyler is this morning, I just talked to him on the phone and he said in his attempt to head to school he first started driving towards my parents house. After realizing this was the wrong direction he then headed toward Maple Valley... also the wrong direction.... I hope he does alright on his test today!!!

Lesson 13: Walk Tall and Wear a Fluffy Tutu

My sisters, mom and I went to another street fair on Saturday. Pretty much every other booth was selling little girl tu tus and enormous hair/head band flowers. I don't mind the flowers so much but the tu tus are just rediculous. Little girls should only wear them for dress up play and ballet. It reminded me of the royal wedding where all the ladies wore crazy hats. There is an unspoken competition between girls to see who can fit their child in the most rediculous attire. Mothers lament when they are disqualified from the competition because their baby girl does not wear head bands. Oh what shall I do? How will I show my face among the other dolled up housewives.




TO RECAP.... GOOD

WHAT THE???

OH, NOW I SEE IT...

NOW HOLD ON, WHAT KIND OF FUTURE DOES THIS CHILD HAVE?

TOUCHE

Updates For the Puppy and Husband

Max threw a temper tantrum at obedience class last night. He had absolutely no interest in learning "down." I was so grateful to have Tyler there to help wrangle the crazy gladiator. After class we discussed possibly using a "power steering" collar for Maximus. It is the scary collar with spiky things on it. The trainer said it may be a good idea since Max has been pulling so much on his leash and making himself sick. This is a picture of Max in his shiny new accessory (only worn under supervision of course).
Max is not too big a fan of the collar just yet... If you are wondering why Tyler seems to be sleeping a lot in these pictures it is mostly because I take the pics super early in the morning before I go to work. Tyler is very patient with me. :)




Why helloooooo

Here is an updated picture of Tyler's nail. Nasty! Half of it is not even connected and can be peeled back. As you can see the hole has grown up to the top of the nail.